Deep-fried 'hoppers

I'm back!!!

2006-07-31T19:34:00.000-04:00

From where, you ask? Graduate school hell! I haven't posted updates in a few weeks because I've been too fucking busy. I suppose nobody ever claimed a PhD is an easy thing to obtain!

So anyways, aside from being neck-deep in grad school-related shit, I've been doing alright. The past three weeks I have been propositioned by 3 hot girls, two of which were dating each other (I shit you not). It's a bit sad and ironic that hot lesbians (in the loose sense; they're bi, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have hit on me) offer ME a threesome, while billions of straight men everywhere can only dream of these things. The other offer for sex came from a girl with fantastic blond hair, as we were playing Dartmouth-style beer pong together. I had to disappoint her, of course, but it was still flattering.

More to follow! In the meantime, an article on a porn radio station in California.

Update

2006-07-09T15:32:00.000-04:00

It's been ages since I last posted, and I don't really have time to put up a full post. However, I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on what I've been up to.

Two weekends ago, I went to Maine. Maine is a very pretty state, for sure! Spent some time biking (on mushrooms) around Acadia National Park. Also saw some cool boats and ate some lobster rolls.

Last weekend, I went to Montreal for Jazz Fest. Saw some incredible shows, did some baking (cough) at a Tam Tam party, ate some good food, went clubbing, and prevented some girlfriends of mine from being picked up by American scumbags. Also saw Jingly Johnny, who is doing well other than the fact he's still a skinny bitch.

That's all for now!

Game 7: Tonight

2006-06-19T12:11:00.000-04:00

Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals are on tonight. Edmonton vs. Carolina. 8pm EST, 6pm MST. Winner takes all.

Canadians, I don't have to tell you what station to watch it on. Americans, you can catch it on NBC. Watch it or be forever lame.

Goooooooal!

2006-06-17T11:51:00.000-04:00

While Canadians are glued to the TV in hopes the Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup, and Americans are following the NBA finals or baseball, the rest of the world is crazy about the World Cup of Soccer. Having grown up in Canada, a country whose soccer team frequently loses to the world's most economically challenged nations and is currently ranked between the UAE and Namibia in the FIFA rankings, soccer has never elicited any emotions from me (wait, is apathy an emotion?). However, this year I've decided to cheer for team Mexico. My reasons? First off, I think it's about time something good happened to Mexico; they've had a fairly rough time recently. Plus, it'd be sort of cool to see the World Cup come to North America (and this way I don't have to cheer for any Yankee scum). Normally, I'd jump on the bandwagon of some poor African nation, but unfortunately it doesn't look like Africa will have many, if any, teams making it out of the round robin this year (unless Tunisia pulls something out of it's ass). So yeah, go Mexico (or Ecuador, if Mexico doesn't pan out).

On the topic of sports (well, sort of) I've recently become addicted to pong, a game played with ping pong paddles, a ping pong ball, and lots of beer. Supposedly, Dartmouth is where the game was invented, before it spread across the rest of the nation. However, according to pretentious-sounding Dartmouth undergrads, the rest of the country no longer plays pong but rather "Beirut," since paddles are not used. Anyways, it's an interesting game, because the longer you play, the drunker you get (effectively, you are punished for winning). Last night, I won three straight, and nearly made it four, but blew a fairly good sized lead in my last game.

Later on that night, as I was puking my guts out in a Dartmouth washroom, I thought about what a shame it is that I can't drink like I used to. I remember during my 18th birthday drinking 5 ounces of tequila, several pints of beer (including from a beer bong), a number of whiskey sours, and several assorted shots (including a Rocky Mountain Bear Fucker *shudder*). I got really drunk, but felt awesome the following morning. Now if I drank that much I'd probably die.

Also, a neat NPR story on South Africa in the apartheid era.

Online Dating

2006-06-16T16:59:00.000-04:00

Just a little poll here. When online dating (I know many of you have used online dating services before! Admit it!), is it rude and unforgivable to refuse to talk to someone? I don't know how online dating works in the heterosexual world, but I don't find it particularly endearing when people send me e-mails with subject lines like: "Do you top or bottom?" or "Wanna fuck?" or "I'm a sex fiend". Also, several folks have introduced themselves by sending me photos of their genitals. It's even more disturbing when people 60+ years old (who don't apparently read that I'm interested in guys aged 18-35) try to sweep me off my feet by sending me shockingly inappropriate e-mails. Whatever happened to "Hey, how's it going? Thought you had a cool profile. Give me a shout?"???? It's also amazing how angry some people get when you reject them!

Take, for instance, this conversation I had with a 50 year old guy that wanted me to show him my blocked photos (please note, I do not have crotch shots or naked pics on the internet; on this particular webpage, I block my face pictures because I discovered that nothing is more annoying than running into someone you've never met before (such as a really loud, old, over-weight flamer) in a crowded restaurant, and having that person announce "Oh my god, you're so cute! You're cuter than the photo on your [certain online dating service] profile! Can I buy you a drink?"). Anyways, this 50 year old guy wanted to see my photos; this was how the e-mail exchange went:

OG (other guy):

I would love to see you other pics..
I am in Wilder
work at DHMC

Me:

No dude, I'm not interested.  Thanks for the e-mail, but I'm sorry.

OG:

not interested?

Me:

No, I'm not keen to talk, dude.  Take care.

OG:

you sound like an asshole.. good luck

Me:

Nope, just exercising my right to decide when and with whom I want to talk.

OG:

yup.. an asshole

Me:

Ha ha, right on dude.  Take 'er easy.

OG:

your life must suck

I've had a number of exchanges that have gone on like this. So what're your opinions? Am I indeed an asshole for choosing not to show him my pictures, and not wanting to talk to him? Or should I have totally ignored him altogether?

Crazy Catholic girl - transcript

2006-06-16T16:47:00.000-04:00

Here are the communications that occurred between me and the Catholic girl I mentioned in a previous post (CCG stands for Crazy Catholic Girl). I already posted the most humorous parts, but here is the rest:

CCG:

I hate sharing my feelings, but this is important.
This final year in school has been very important and
I didn't want any distractions. I needed to be
completely focused on school. I want to know why,
after your last email in July, you didn't try to call
or email me once. I didn't respond because I needed
this year to learn about myself and to work some
things out. I did have feelings for you but I'm not
sure if I still do. I'm uncomfortable and I get
nervous talking to you. It seems like we both have
changed so much and we're further apart than ever.
Ever since I met you, we have been going back and
forth from talking for awhile to having no
communication for awhile. I feel like I have always
been the one to reconnect. There were times when I
wondered what you were up to, so I contacted you. It
seems like too much of a hassle to keep doing this.
I'm sorry.

(Please only respond to this by email.)

Me:

First of all, I am impressed that you opened up and wrote down your feelings like this. This is a very courageous thing to do.

One of my worries was that you were attracted to me beyond friendship. If I understand your e-mail correctly (and please correct me if I'm wrong!), that is indeed the case. I admit I felt a bit nervous around you for this reason (not that feeling this way about a person is a bad or terrible thing… believe me, I have a number of friends that I'm half in love with). However, while I was working on my MA in Kansas, I was coming to grips with something you need to hear about now: I'm gay.

You are totally correct that we have changed. In high school, although I was aware of my sexuality, I was comfortable hiding it. I honestly believed that I could change the way I felt about other guys on my own, or with the assistance of a pastor or therapist. However, as time went by, and no progress was made, I accepted who I am. After I graduated from the University of Alberta, I came out of the closet to a small group of people. Since then, I've gradually become more comfortable with myself, and eased my way further out of the closet.

I hadn't written to you after that e-mail in July because I thought you didn't want to hear from me. I want to stay your friend, because you are a beautiful, giving, trustworthy person. However, in order for this to work, we need to accept that each of us has changed. You'll need to realize that I'm now a not-terribly-religious gay man, and I'll need to respect your faith.

Whatever the case, DON'T let this affect your school or personal life! Please write me or call me! I'd like to talk about this, if you're willing to.

CCG:

Thank you for telling me this. I'm relieved that I can
finally have some closure. However, as you might have
guessed, I'm in total shock. I can't even express
right now what I'm feeling, yet I have so many
thoughts and questions. (It's a good thing you told me
this by email instead of on the phone or in person. It
wouldn't have been a pretty sight.) I am going to need
some time to process all of this, I just don't know
how much time I will need. I don't know what else to
say. You've hurt me though.

Me:

Let me know if you want to talk about this. Contact me when you're ready.

CCG:

I think I'm ready to discuss the issue now. I think it
would be best if we just communicate by email for
right now. I have had a lot of time to think about
everything. I still have so many questions too. I
don't understand why you never said anything before.
How could you keep it from me all this time? I feel
lied to and betrayed. We've gone through so much
together. I thought I could trust you. How can I even
trust you now? You know I'm strongly against such a
lifestyle, and I am not going to accept it.
Ideally, I would like to still be friends. I care
about you and think about you everyday. It will be
difficult, if not impossible for me to not think about
your lifestyle. I wish I could get past it but it's
just always going to be there. I find that I think
about you as someone I once knew or as someone that
you're not.
I don't like how our friendship has always been off
and on. In my mind, friends talk maybe once a
week-over the phone or by email. I guess our
friendship is far different though. Maybe we should
just let the friendship go and move on. It hurts me to
be going through this.

Me:

I'm not sure why we can't communicate over the phone, but ok.

CCG, I'm not really sure I've done anything wrong here. It seems to me you're upset because you've invested a lot of emotion and time thinking about the two of us together. Give me an honest answer: were you hoping I was going to be interested in you beyond friendship?

Lied to and betrayed!? You never asked me if I was interested in women, nor did you ask me a single question about my dating history or anything along those lines! How can you suggest I lied to you or betrayed you? You didn't once express your feelings to me! What did you expect?

Once a week? Goodness, there are friends of mine I talk to once or twice a year! Distance makes communication difficult, despite our age of cell-phones and e-mail. I admit I haven't been particularly good (actually, I've been terrible) at keeping in touch. However, your expectations regarding communication are unreasonable. Also, I don't understand how you expect I wouldn't change over 7 years. Come on!!!

As far as my lifestyle is concerned, this should have nothing to do with our friendship. Friends stay together no matter what. As far as I can see you have two options here: you can accept who I am, and continue to stay in touch. I prefer this option. The other choice is that you continue to live in your dream world, thinking of me how you like... however, I'm not interested in staying in touch if this is your choice. I hate to be blunt, but this is emotionally taxing on me as well, my friend. If you can't handle things, then tough.

I want to hear your response. However, I'm giving you a week to reply. I'm sick and tired of getting these sporadic whiny e-mails, trying to make me feel horrible for something I can't control. If I don't hear from you by June 5th, I never want to hear from you again.

Post # 20

2006-06-03T16:46:00.000-04:00

Another milestone! I made it to #20! Viagra was still the most popular topic, although my recent article on a certain Catholic girl is a strong second.

I read this article on the Lacrosse and related fraternity parties at Duke University in the Rolling Stone magazine. It reminds me of the stories I heard about the basketball team at the University of Kansas or the hockey team at Dartmouth. Being a grad student (although admittedly a grad student that sometimes hangs out at an alternative undergrad house), I haven't seen these parties, nor am I interested in going to one (I have a feeling I'd have difficulty scoring a Dartmouth hockey player anyways... just a hunch). It also reminds me of some of the behaviour of some of our distant relatives: chimpanzees and gorillas. Both species exhibit "fraternal" behaviour, where the tough males are generally douche-bags, but get all the hot ape action anyways.

Finally, I got in touch with the Catholic girl (or rather she got in touch with me). She's gotten over things (rather quickly, I might add), and even apologized for not telling me about her feelings for me, and so on. All's quiet on the western front.

It was an honest mistake!

2006-06-03T03:43:00.000-04:00

A man in Australia tried to dry his girlfriends baby in a clothes dryer. The baby survived and the dude got dumped. What do they expect? Make baby-sized openings in common appliances, and people are bound to be confused.

Crazy psycho Catholic girls!

2006-05-30T14:03:00.000-04:00

On another note, I've recently been communicating with a uber-conservative Catholic girl I knew back in highschool. She and I were friends in my brief highschool stint in Kansas (coincidentally when I was an uber-conservative Lutheran). We mainly ate lunch together and would catch the occassional movie. Anyways, about a month ago she wrote me an out-of-the-blue e-mail. Apparently she's been in love with me ever since I left Kansas, and has been telling her friends and family about this wonderful guy she wants to spend her life with. Not only that, she's been holding out for me this entire time. This is over a 7 year span! She was upset that I don't keep in particularly good touch with her, and wants to know what the deal is. Anyways, I had to tell her the truth: sweetheart, I'm gay. This did not go over particularly well, and has started a somewhat humerous but sad e-mail exchange.

Some actual excerpts from her e-mails:

" I want to know why, after your last email in July, you didn't try to call or email me once. I didn't respond because I needed this year to learn about myself and to work some things out." (in other words, it's totally alright for her to flake out, but inexusable for me)

"I did have feelings for you but I'm not sure if I still do."
(then why didn't she say anything for 7 years???)

"It seems like we both have changed so much and we're further apart than ever."
(yes, people do change over time, especially 7 years... what does she expect???)

"I'm in total shock. I can't even express right now what I'm feeling, yet I have so many
thoughts and questions. (It's a good thing you told me this by email instead of on the phone or in person. It wouldn't have been a pretty sight.)"
(ok, so I'm REALLY glad I didn't tell her over the phone or by person)

"You've hurt me though."
(by being gay, or by not falling in love with her?)

Now comes the real gold:

"How could you keep it from me all this time? I feel lied to and betrayed."
(lied to and betrayed? this coming from the girl that didn't tell me her feelings this entire time)

"We've gone through so much together."
(what??? we were friends for one year of high school; the extent of our friendship was eating lunch together and going to a couple movies)

"I thought I could trust you. How can I even trust you now?"
(for fuck's sake, when was trust ever an issue here?)

"You know I'm strongly against such a lifestyle, and I am not going to accept it."
(ok, so she's a biggot)

"Ideally, I would like to still be friends. I care about you and think about you everyday."
(wow, she's totally obsessed with me!)

"It will be difficult, if not impossible for me to not think about your lifestyle. I wish I could get past it but it's just always going to be there."
(tough luck!)

"I don't like how our friendship has always been off and on. In my mind, friends talk maybe once a week-over the phone or by email."
(huh??? if I talked to all my friends that often, I'd never get anything else done!)

"Maybe we should just let the friendship go and move on. It hurts me to be going through this."
(then maybe she should stop being a crazy bitch, and pull her head out of her fucking ass!)

I had no idea I had this effect on anyone! Wow! It makes me sad because 7 years is a long time for someone to not get laid!

Yes! I'm saved!

2006-05-30T11:35:00.001-04:00

Well ladies and gentlemen, it appears that smoking the reefer isn't as bad for us as we were made to believe! A NIH-funded study at the University of California Los Angeles demonstrated that there is no link between weed consumption and lung cancer. In fact, THC may be good for you, as it helps kill old cells that may become cancerous. This means that I no longer have to worry about dying from lung cancer, and can instead worry about more likely possibilities, such as what to do when my liver finally fails due to excessive alcohol consumption. Now, as a disclaimer, the NIH are a bunch of godless baby eaters, so we should probably ignore everything they say, and pray that their funding is cut even further. How did Satan infiltrate the NIH??? Probably the same way he got into my laptop! Out Satan! Out!

Of course, if my liver does fail, I can always grow a new one. Ah, the miracles of modern medicine :)

Another private school rant...

2006-05-21T15:19:00.000-04:00

One of the interesting things about living in the northeastern U.S. is the obsession with private schools. There are many kids, especially at a place like Dartmouth, that have never set foot in a public school. Parents shell out $40,000 per year so that their babies can go to top notch schools, such as Exeter, Andover, and St. Peter's. Of course, many parents cannot afford the price, and instead send their children to 2nd-tier private schools. Even the best public schools are considered to be unacceptable by many parents... this despite the fact that the New England states have the best public education systems in the country. This is a striking difference from the attitude in Edmonton, where people are usually happy, or at least satisfied, with the public school system.

Spending tens of thousands of dollars on high school (or college for that matter)? C'mon! I survived two stints in the Kansas public school system (high school and university), and it wasn't so bad. KANSAS!!! The place run by a bunch of old white overweight high school drop-outs who are desperately trying to bring Kansas back to the dark ages. I kind of feel as though I got a pretty good deal, because at least my education was cheap.

Of course, it's not as though graduating at a place like Exeter doesn't have it's advantages. According to a Exeter-Yale-Princeton-Dartmouth educated friend of mine, the kids that graduated from Exeter with 'C' averages typically got free rides at places like Michigan, UCLA, and Berkeley, top ranked public universities. They of course didn't get these scholarships based on merit, but because it looks good for a university to have Exeter graduates attending your school.

A common trait of all the private schools is they have secret societies. Dartmouth has an ugly mausoleum-like building in the middle of the college that houses a hand-selected group of students belonging to one such society.

The most famous secret society of all is the Skull and Bones, a secret society at Yale. Some illustrious members of the Skull and Bones:

George Bush Sr., George W. Bush, John Kerry, Dick Cheney.

Just goes to show you don't need brains to get into the Skull and Bones, just money and family connections. Also shows you really don't need brains to get into Yale.

Go Oilers!

2006-05-18T21:00:00.000-04:00

I was going to make a post about my Edmonton Oilers (which, by the way, just made it into the Western Conference finals, despite being the 8th seed in the Western Conference), but Cibbuano beat me to it.

I hate my computer!!!

2006-05-14T15:33:00.001-04:00

Fucking piece of shit! Every time I try to open MATLAB or Power Point, it shits the bed! There have been numerous times recently I've salivated over the thought of throwing my computer off the Chrysler tower in NYC, and watching it obliterate itself on the street below. Luckily, it'll still let me open Firefox so I can post on my blog.

So, in other news, I joined a Greek house. Yes, you read this correctly. Now you may be asking yourself "what is Stephen, a model PhD student, and outspoken critic of fraternity life doing joining an undergrad Greek house?" Well first let me fill you in on what kind of house I joined. The house (refered to as the Tabard) is an all-inclusive co-ed house with probably the most diverse membership you can imagine. The members represent every ethnic group and sexual identity out there. They needed a grad advisor, so I boldly took the challenge.

Secondly, the Tabard helps me deal with the pathetic grad student social scene at Dartmouth. You see, most of the grad school parties here are exclusive to certain schools (e.g., the medical school or business school), or else they're just really lame. For instance, this is how many of the parties in my own program go:

Other grad student: "Ooo ooo! We're going to make paper!!! Want to come?"

Me: *Shrug* "I guess I've got nothing better to do."

Other grad student: "Ok, meet at my house at 7! This'll be fun!"

Other grad student (after a few hours of boring paper making): "Ooo ooo! Let's play some really bad folk or Celtic music for the next 2 hours!"

Me: *groan*

Other grad student (at 8:30): *yawn!* "Time for me to hit the sac! It's almost my bedtime."

Now, compare this with a Tabard party:

Undergrad: Let's commit all sorts of debauchery and stay up until 3am while listening to really good tunes!

So yeah, I'm a 24 year old fratboy. Crazy.

Watch out for black holes!

2006-05-13T15:20:00.000-04:00

After reading a bizzare post by Derelict, I started to think about the world, and when and how the world will end. Not that I'm losing sleep about it, but it is an interesting thing to think about. I grew up in a Lutheran family, and was taught that the world will end with Jesus' second coming. Now, of course, I know better.

There will be a time when Earth is unable to support life of any kind. This will likely be long after the human race has gone extinct (assuming, of course, humans don't colonize distant planets). We've heard about many of the popular world-ending scenarios (nuclear war, meteor impact, uncontrolled global climate change, "grey goo" from replicating nano-robots, etc.), but I did a little search on the internet to figure out what some scientists believe will be the coup de grace that finishes life on Earth.

Here it is: 20 ways the world could come to an end. A ridiculous article in a lot of ways, but still interesting.

What's the deal with dolphins?

2006-05-09T14:51:00.000-04:00

Man, dolphins are wild! First they learn how to retrieve torpedoes, then we discover they understand (or can be trained to understand) math, and now we learn that they have their own names! What's next? Dolphins that can fly jumbo jets?

This reminds me of a science fiction book I read back in Junior High: Startide Rising, by David Brin. I remember thinking how cool it would be to have a conversation with a dolphin. Of course, what would you say to a dolphin? Something about fish?

Post 11

2006-05-08T15:58:00.000-04:00

I guess my last post was #10. I don't know if that's a great achievement, but anyways, it's there. So far the posts that elicited the strongest reactions (based on number of comments) were a short blurb about my trying Viagra (a whopping 16 comments) and another short post about forgetting the meaning of Easter (9 comments). Hmm... not too sure what to make of that.

As I said in my last post, I’m suffering from a bit of Montezuma’s revenge right now. Thankfully, I’m past the puking stage, and am able to eat normal (but small) meals. However, my gastrointestinal system is still a bit fucked up, and I’m still slightly nauseated. It doesn’t help that I have to give a talk in front of the whole department tomorrow, and am still suffering from bouts of mud butt (yes, I know you wanted to know that). Conveniently, this gives me an excuse if my talk ends up sucking… I can blame it on the illness, instead of my spending too much time on this blog.

This whole episode has prompted me to find out: who is Montezuma, and why is he so pissed off? Montezuma was the last Aztec emperor, before the Spanish conquered Mexico. Apparently, the Spanish invaders used him as a puppet, before his own people killed him in an uprising. Since then, every time a foreigner gets sick in Mexico it is a form of Montezuma’s revenge. However, this doesn’t explain why my colleagues and I got sick. Sure, my ancestors did some pretty horrific things, but none of them had to do with the Aztecs. It also seems strange that three people conducting research to help, indirectly, preserve Mexican forests would get sick. Why did none of the happy, healthy (looking) tourists we saw at the airport get sick? Surely the fact they walked all over the Aztec ruins in shorts and gaudy American t-shirts would have annoyed Montezuma far more than anything we did.

Maybe he thought I was stealing treasures when I took mite colonies back with me. Or maybe it was the bottles of Mezcal I took back with me to the United States. Whatever the case, I’m starting to think this Montezuma guy is a bit of a dick.

Seriously, though, when you’re in Mexico, don’t drink the water. Stay away from fruit and drinks with ice in them as well.

The real cause of Montezuma’s revenge. (if you're interested)

Me-hico!

2006-05-07T14:14:00.000-04:00

On the topic of new experiences (of which I have had many in the past few weeks), I just returned from my trip to beautiful Oaxaca, Mexico. I had a tremendous time! The day we arrived there, we drank a lot of Mexican beer, and investigated this city of 100,000 people. After calling it an early night, we woke up the next morning, and got ready to head to the field. The purpose of this trip, by the way, was to collect mites for my PhD research. I'm doing a biogeography study with these mites, and making comparisons between mites associated with two beetle populations: one in the S.E. USA, and one in Mexico.

Anyways, on the second day, we headed into the field with a group of Mexican forest service technicians. The goal: find a bunch of trees infested with the southern pine beetle, take bark samples back to a lab in the Universidad de Oaxaca, and search for mites in the inner bark. We drove 3 hours on dirt roads through some of the most beautiful areas I have ever seen. In a bit of a twist, the Mexicans sat in the cab, while the gringos sat in the back of the truck (see picture above). There's something exhilarating, and at the same time terrifying, about sitting in the back of a truck, screaming down some Mexican roadways. I did think a little bit about how quickly my life would come to an end if the truck drove off the road, or had an accident and rolled over, or threw me off the truck, causing me to break every bone in my body. Whatever the case, I survived.

We drove to a little village, where we negotiated with the mayor for permission to cut down a few trees on their land. We sat in a straw building, and drank several rounds of Coronas and Mezcals (Mezcal, btw, is a close relative of Tequila). After an hour, we convinced him to show us to a nearby stand, and allow us to cut down and remove a few trees. We took care of the trees, and headed back to the mayor's place to say fairwell. He gave us another three rounds of beer, and then tried to convince me to marry his 14 year old niece. He offered me 2 cows, a house, and land (twice what he offers Americans, he told me). I'm 99% sure he was shitting me, but it makes for a great story. He then made us pay for all the beers he offered us, and sent us on our way.

The next day, we went to breakfast at a local eatery, and ate enchaladas with corn smut, Oaxaca string cheese, and pumpkin blossoms. Delicious! We then went to the University of Oaxaca to start the mite colonies. It was Cinqo de Mayo, so getting into the University was a bit of a challenge (not many people were working that day). That evening, we headed to the main square, and joined the locals in some revelry! It was nice not to see very many pasty-white gringos there (and most of the gringos showed a good deal of respect, e.g. by not wearing short shorts and bikini tops).

Of course, no trip to Mexico would be complete without Montezuma's revenge. All of that delicious Mexican food was forcibly evicted from my body. My daily caloric intake was at a negative yesterday, as was my fluid intake. The plane ride back was painful, especially since the flight from Houston to Boston was delayed 45 minutes. However, I'm happily back to eating solid foods (it's amazing what pot'll do for your appetite... also good for nausea).

Despite getting ill, I have to say:

¿México es agradable? ¡no, México es fantástico!

One thing's for sure: Mexicans have fine asses!

Spelunck!

2006-04-30T13:16:00.000-04:00

Something else to add to my list of recent experiences: I went cave spelunking yesterday in a cave in western Vermont (yes, Vermont does have caves) a week ago. It was good fun! After crawling through ~ 100m of skinny corridor and three squeezes, we arrived in a cavern with a nearby lake. After visiting the lake, my friends and I sat around in one of the far chambers and meditated. I learned a lot: I learned that the human body can be made small enough to fit through a squeeze the size of a laptop. I also learned how much it sucks to get stuck in one of those things. I can't believe some people spend several days caving, going kilometers under the earth... I'd go nuts after 1 day! But anyways, good fun. My knees hurt for a while, but it was totally worth it!

More new experiences coming up, including MEXICO!

By the way, updated my links list to include the Beav. Sorry about the snub there! It wasn't deliberate.

Viagra

2006-04-25T15:10:00.000-04:00

Oh yeah, I had edited this out of my original post today, but decided to re-post it. I recently tried Viagra. It works. In case you were curious. Not that I NEED Viagra...

Money, money, money

2006-04-25T09:37:00.000-04:00

You want to hear something unbelievable?

Dartmouth undergrads have to pay $40,000 in tuition. Per year.

That is more than twice of what I paid for 1 year at Calgary, and 3 years at Alberta. Granted, many Dartmouth students have gi-normous scholarships, and most have a lot of support from wealthy parents. But still. Many students have to take out huge government loans to pay for things. I suppose the idea is that Dartmouth graduates will make enough money when they join the workforce to pay off their debt, but could you imagine coming out of college with ~$200,000 in debt??? Just so you can have the name “Dartmouth” on your diploma? I dunno, being in a field where starting salaries for PhDs are around $45,000, that seems a bit extreme.

Final note: Here is an article in the NY times on myrmecologists (people that study ants). Although I no longer study ants, I still feel quite a bit of attachment to the little guys (or girls, since most ants are female).

Nature is neat

2006-04-16T20:06:00.000-04:00

I recently got into a discussion with tee dub about meat consumption by humans. As a biologist, I find topics like this to be pretty neat. Here is a cool diet-related article I found on the BBC webpage (don't worry tee dub, it has nothing to do with humans and meat):

Yummy mummy feeds young its skin

Neat, huh?

The Chinese curse: to live in interesting times

2006-04-15T11:45:00.000-04:00

Last night, I saw the documentary Why We Fight, a film on the industrial military complex in the United States, and its influence on American foreign policy. It was mildly preachy, but much more informative and believable than a Michael Moore film (by the way, I think Michael Moore is a good guy, and his films have mostly good messages; I just find it frustrating that his films have quite a bit of hearsay). I definitely recommend checking it out. It’s interesting and sad that the United States and the entire world are suffering from the exact scenario Eisenhower warned against: war has become so profitable, there’s not much incentive for peace-time.

On a brighter note, it is so freaken’ warm outside! This is one of my favourite times of year, when winter is an increasingly distant memory (not that winter was particularly cold this year, but…), and the weather can only get better. I’m looking forward to drinking beers on the patio, going camping in surrounding forests, and seeing lots of skin!

Also, I’m heading to the Oaxaca region in Mexico in about a month! We’ll be doing some collecting (and a bit of R&R I’m sure). Should be amazing. This’ll be followed by a trip to Ashville, North Carolina, for a forest insect research meeting. Ashville is about a 30 minute drive from the Smoky Mountains, which I’ll most definitely check out. Unfortunately, this means I won’t be traveling to Alberta or Kansas that month, as I originally planned.

Enough bragging. Read about the amazing regenerating mouse!

How far I've fallen...

2006-04-13T14:19:00.000-04:00

Man, it's been a long time since I've gone to church! So long, in fact, I have totally forgotten the meaning of religious holidays. In the last couple weeks, I've refered to Easter as the birthday of our lord and saviour on at least three separate occassions.

Somewhere, baby Jebus is crying.

FRANZ FERDINAND!!!

2006-04-13T11:48:00.000-04:00

As mentioned in my previous post, I spent last weekend in Montreal at Johnny's photography show. I've actually had the fortune of attending a good number of concerts and shows the last few weeks. Two weekends ago I saw Blackalicious in Burlington, last weekend I saw Johnny's show, two nights ago I saw Clap Your Hands Say Yeah in Burlington, and last night I saw the Death Cab/Franz Ferdinand show in Boston. The concerts were great, especially the last two. It's fantastic to see groups like Franz Ferdinand, Death Cab, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Spoon, and others provide a great listening alternative to hip hop and electronic music (both of which I love, but it's good to have some variety).

The Death Cab/Franz Ferdinand concert may have been the best concert I've seen my entire life, despite the fact we showed up late, and had crappy seats. Death Cab put on a hell of a show, with very dark, moody tunes. Franz Ferdinand... well, let's just say I had to clean off the inside of my pants after that show. These guys knew how to rock! They told everyone to rush the floor in front of the stage, so we ended up within 10 metres of the stage. There was one song where three guys were playing on one drum set, which was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. The singing was incredible, the guitar and bass were incredible. The whole show kicked some serious ass!

I'd sleep with the entire group. Happily. There, I said it.

Driving out of Boston sucked, as it always does. It took me 1.5 hours to figure out how to get on the I-93 from where we were. The I-93, by the way, is the most expensive stretch of highway in the world, due to a seriously over-budget tunnel in Boston being conducted by Bechtel. Bechtel is a stong Bush ally that is coincidentally taking over management of the Los Alamos nuclear laboratories. Doesn't it make you feel safe to know that a private company with such a wonderful track record is taking over control of the United State's most important nuclear weapons research facility?

Road Rage

2006-04-10T18:58:00.000-04:00

This is a story about the worst road rage I’ve ever experienced (I was the one receiving the road rage, not dishing it out). I was driving to a Super-Bowl party in Boston with my friend Justin. I needed to make a right turn to get onto an on-ramp to a freeway, but the traffic light was red. Although I was allowed to turn on the red at that particular intersection, I still had to come to a complete stop first (y’know, so that I didn’t die in a bloody accident if traffic was coming in the perpendicular road). Anyways, I had barely come to a stop, and this guy behind me in a big black van leans on his horn. Justin and I agreed that wasn’t cool, so as I’m turning Justin gave the driver a “thumbs down.”

We were driving up the one-lane on-ramp, and the van pulled up beside us, forcing me to the edge of the ramp. The driver was livid, and was making these crazy hand-signals at us. He then sped ahead of us onto the freeway. We thought that we had seen the last of him, except that he had taken the same exit we were taking. Not only that, we were stuck right behind him at another red light. The driver got out of his van and walked over to the passenger seat where Justin was sitting. He started yelling “get out of the car!” as Justin and I were trying to calm him down (“Why are you so angry, dude? Calm down!”). He then tried to open the door (which was locked) and started punching the glass. After a while, someone in the passenger seat of his van cracked open the door and said something to him. Whatever it was calmed him down enough that he got back into his van. For a few seconds, I thought that he might be grabbing a gun or a crowbar or a baseball bat. However, he floored his van, and drove into the intersection (still during the red light)!

I learned something from this experience: never communicate with other drivers, especially if they are driving black vans. A single “thumbs down” was enough to anger the dude into trying to break into my car and kick our asses. As far as the van is concerned, it may have been driven by someone with Malfia connections, or a drug dealer (if he was coked/methed up, it might have explained his maniacal behaviour)… I mean, who else would drive a black van, right? Whatever the case, I think that some people seriously need to calm the fuck down when they drive!

On the topic of rage, I just got back from Montreal where I saw the first photography show of my good friend, Jingly Johnny. For those of you that don’t know Johnny, he’s a short Chinese guy that regularly (chronically?) beats crime. He’s also Jet Li’s stunt double (or was it butt double?). Whatever the case, he’s an amazing photographer. Any of you single or dissatisfied ladies should check him out: his photography skills combined with his superb understanding of neurobiology and his ability to insanely ramble on about just about anything would make him quite the catch. Plus I’ve heard he’s amazing in bed. From a reliable source.

One final aside: one of the things I’ve grown to appreciate about the United States is the fantastic Interstate Highway system. The highways are always at least 4 lanes, and almost always in perfect condition. Although I’m a proud Canadian, I feel a twinge of America-envy every time I drive on the 2-lane pot-holed highways of anywhere, Canada.

My first real post

2006-04-06T18:41:00.000-04:00

I've finally done it! After many false starts, I'm putting up my very first post.

I figure since I'm lousy at keeping in touch with friends, this will at least let people know what I’m up to. This’ll also allow me to delete moronic comments I leave on other people’s blogs after I’ve had too much to drink.

Soooo, yeah. Nifty.

I thought I’d start things off by writing about my new home, New England. I live in Vermont (famous for its independent politicians and mediocre maple syrup), and go to school in New Hampshire (famous for no taxes, cheap alcohol, and living free or dying). The coolest thing about where I live, other than it’s a 45 minute drive from some of the best skiing in New England, is its proximity to everywhere else. I can do day trips to Burlington and Boston, and weekend trips to Montreal and NYC without any trouble.

I've been here for about 8 months, and already have lots of crazy stories. One of my personal favorites is the time (the ONLY time) I took a cab in the Upper Valley (for those of you that don't know, the Upper Valley is an area shared by Vermont and NH, that surrounds Dartmouth College; Dartmouth is in Hanover, NH, and I live in Norwich, VT). So the story is I had just arrived at Dartmouth, naively thinking that I was moving to a progressive, all-accepting utopia (well, at least compared to Kansas). I still needed to find a place to live, and was staying at the Coolidge Hostel in the town of White River Junction, VT. I needed to get transportation to Norwich to look at the place I'm living at now. The evil troll at the front desk of the Coolidge recommended one of the cabbies, as they are "inexpensive and reliable". BTW, the evil troll is another story (a much shorter and less interesting story).

Anyways, I called a cab. After it arrived, I could immediately tell that I maybe didn't want to get into this cab. He reminded me of some of the country folk I saw down in Mississippi, that proudly flew confederate flags from their front porches. He also sort of looked like that hillbillie in Men in Black (you know, the ugly one that alien possessed). But I figured "Hey, this is Vermont! Everyone here is wonderful and friendly and accepting! This'll be fine." Pfft!

As he drove me to Norwich, he asked me where I'm from, what I'm doing here, etc. When I told him I'm moving to the area, he reassured me that I would have no problem finding a group. "You see, there're the hippies, the red-necks (which he was quite proud to tell me he was one of), the druggies, the slutty college girls, and the f*g&ots." While my mind was reeling from shock (oh my god, did he actually just say that?), he asked me what specifically I was doing in the Upper Valley. After I mumbled that I was attending Dartmouth, he told me that he had no problem with Dartmouth, except that it kept attracting "all those Indians" (as in people from India) to the area. When I asked what his issue was with Indians, he complained that they kept bringing all these prostitutes with them. I mentioned that I'm friends with many people of Indian origin, and thought it was highly unlikely that the Indians were "bringing prostitutes with them," as the cabbie was suggesting. He then goes on an angry tirade on how he can't stand how politically correct everyone is becoming. This tirade continued until the climax: "It's getting to the point that you can't call a black person a n*g&er or a gay person a f*g&ot!" The conversation was over at that point. I didn't want to risk pissing him off anymore, and quite honestly no longer cared to know what his opinion was on anything.

Thankfully, the cab ride ended. He drove me to the wrong address and over-charged me, but I survived. My very first impression of Vermont.

Whatever the case, Vermont kicks the shit out of Kansas.

Lots of other stories coming up! Stay tuned!

2006-03-22T15:16:00.000-05:00

Butterfly in Alabama