Yes! I'm saved!

Well ladies and gentlemen, it appears that smoking the reefer isn't as bad for us as we were made to believe! A NIH-funded study at the University of California Los Angeles demonstrated that there is no link between weed consumption and lung cancer. In fact, THC may be good for you, as it helps kill old cells that may become cancerous. This means that I no longer have to worry about dying from lung cancer, and can instead worry about more likely possibilities, such as what to do when my liver finally fails due to excessive alcohol consumption. Now, as a disclaimer, the NIH are a bunch of godless baby eaters, so we should probably ignore everything they say, and pray that their funding is cut even further. How did Satan infiltrate the NIH??? Probably the same way he got into my laptop! Out Satan! Out!

Of course, if my liver does fail, I can always grow a new one. Ah, the miracles of modern medicine :)