I'm back!!!

From where, you ask? Graduate school hell! I haven't posted updates in a few weeks because I've been too fucking busy. I suppose nobody ever claimed a PhD is an easy thing to obtain!

So anyways, aside from being neck-deep in grad school-related shit, I've been doing alright. The past three weeks I have been propositioned by 3 hot girls, two of which were dating each other (I shit you not). It's a bit sad and ironic that hot lesbians (in the loose sense; they're bi, obviously, otherwise they wouldn't have hit on me) offer ME a threesome, while billions of straight men everywhere can only dream of these things. The other offer for sex came from a girl with fantastic blond hair, as we were playing Dartmouth-style beer pong together. I had to disappoint her, of course, but it was still flattering.

More to follow! In the meantime, an article on a porn radio station in California.

Update

It's been ages since I last posted, and I don't really have time to put up a full post. However, I just wanted to give everyone a quick update on what I've been up to.

Two weekends ago, I went to Maine. Maine is a very pretty state, for sure! Spent some time biking (on mushrooms) around Acadia National Park. Also saw some cool boats and ate some lobster rolls.

Last weekend, I went to Montreal for Jazz Fest. Saw some incredible shows, did some baking (cough) at a Tam Tam party, ate some good food, went clubbing, and prevented some girlfriends of mine from being picked up by American scumbags. Also saw Jingly Johnny, who is doing well other than the fact he's still a skinny bitch.

That's all for now!

Game 7: Tonight

Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals are on tonight. Edmonton vs. Carolina. 8pm EST, 6pm MST. Winner takes all.

Canadians, I don't have to tell you what station to watch it on. Americans, you can catch it on NBC. Watch it or be forever lame.

Goooooooal!

While Canadians are glued to the TV in hopes the Edmonton Oilers win the Stanley Cup, and Americans are following the NBA finals or baseball, the rest of the world is crazy about the World Cup of Soccer. Having grown up in Canada, a country whose soccer team frequently loses to the world's most economically challenged nations and is currently ranked between the UAE and Namibia in the FIFA rankings, soccer has never elicited any emotions from me (wait, is apathy an emotion?). However, this year I've decided to cheer for team Mexico. My reasons? First off, I think it's about time something good happened to Mexico; they've had a fairly rough time recently. Plus, it'd be sort of cool to see the World Cup come to North America (and this way I don't have to cheer for any Yankee scum). Normally, I'd jump on the bandwagon of some poor African nation, but unfortunately it doesn't look like Africa will have many, if any, teams making it out of the round robin this year (unless Tunisia pulls something out of it's ass). So yeah, go Mexico (or Ecuador, if Mexico doesn't pan out).

On the topic of sports (well, sort of) I've recently become addicted to pong, a game played with ping pong paddles, a ping pong ball, and lots of beer. Supposedly, Dartmouth is where the game was invented, before it spread across the rest of the nation. However, according to pretentious-sounding Dartmouth undergrads, the rest of the country no longer plays pong but rather "Beirut," since paddles are not used. Anyways, it's an interesting game, because the longer you play, the drunker you get (effectively, you are punished for winning). Last night, I won three straight, and nearly made it four, but blew a fairly good sized lead in my last game.

Later on that night, as I was puking my guts out in a Dartmouth washroom, I thought about what a shame it is that I can't drink like I used to. I remember during my 18th birthday drinking 5 ounces of tequila, several pints of beer (including from a beer bong), a number of whiskey sours, and several assorted shots (including a Rocky Mountain Bear Fucker *shudder*). I got really drunk, but felt awesome the following morning. Now if I drank that much I'd probably die.

Also, a neat NPR story on South Africa in the apartheid era.

Online Dating

Just a little poll here. When online dating (I know many of you have used online dating services before! Admit it!), is it rude and unforgivable to refuse to talk to someone? I don't know how online dating works in the heterosexual world, but I don't find it particularly endearing when people send me e-mails with subject lines like: "Do you top or bottom?" or "Wanna fuck?" or "I'm a sex fiend". Also, several folks have introduced themselves by sending me photos of their genitals. It's even more disturbing when people 60+ years old (who don't apparently read that I'm interested in guys aged 18-35) try to sweep me off my feet by sending me shockingly inappropriate e-mails. Whatever happened to "Hey, how's it going? Thought you had a cool profile. Give me a shout?"???? It's also amazing how angry some people get when you reject them!

Take, for instance, this conversation I had with a 50 year old guy that wanted me to show him my blocked photos (please note, I do not have crotch shots or naked pics on the internet; on this particular webpage, I block my face pictures because I discovered that nothing is more annoying than running into someone you've never met before (such as a really loud, old, over-weight flamer) in a crowded restaurant, and having that person announce "Oh my god, you're so cute! You're cuter than the photo on your [certain online dating service] profile! Can I buy you a drink?"). Anyways, this 50 year old guy wanted to see my photos; this was how the e-mail exchange went:

OG (other guy):

I would love to see you other pics..
I am in Wilder
work at DHMC

Me:

No dude, I'm not interested.  Thanks for the e-mail, but I'm sorry.

OG:

not interested? 

Me:

No, I'm not keen to talk, dude.  Take care.

OG:

you sound like an asshole.. good luck

Me:

Nope, just exercising my right to decide when and with whom I want to talk.

OG:

yup.. an asshole 

Me:

Ha ha, right on dude.  Take 'er easy.

OG:

your life must suck

I've had a number of exchanges that have gone on like this. So what're your opinions? Am I indeed an asshole for choosing not to show him my pictures, and not wanting to talk to him? Or should I have totally ignored him altogether?

Crazy Catholic girl - transcript

Here are the communications that occurred between me and the Catholic girl I mentioned in a previous post (CCG stands for Crazy Catholic Girl). I already posted the most humorous parts, but here is the rest:

CCG:

I hate sharing my feelings, but this is important.
This final year in school has been very important and
I didn't want any distractions. I needed to be
completely focused on school. I want to know why,
after your last email in July, you didn't try to call
or email me once. I didn't respond because I needed
this year to learn about myself and to work some
things out. I did have feelings for you but I'm not
sure if I still do. I'm uncomfortable and I get
nervous talking to you. It seems like we both have
changed so much and we're further apart than ever.
Ever since I met you, we have been going back and
forth from talking for awhile to having no
communication for awhile. I feel like I have always
been the one to reconnect. There were times when I
wondered what you were up to, so I contacted you. It
seems like too much of a hassle to keep doing this.
I'm sorry.

(Please only respond to this by email.)

Me:

First of all, I am impressed that you opened up and wrote down your feelings like this. This is a very courageous thing to do.

One of my worries was that you were attracted to me beyond friendship. If I understand your e-mail correctly (and please correct me if I'm wrong!), that is indeed the case. I admit I felt a bit nervous around you for this reason (not that feeling this way about a person is a bad or terrible thing… believe me, I have a number of friends that I'm half in love with). However, while I was working on my MA in Kansas, I was coming to grips with something you need to hear about now: I'm gay.

You are totally correct that we have changed. In high school, although I was aware of my sexuality, I was comfortable hiding it. I honestly believed that I could change the way I felt about other guys on my own, or with the assistance of a pastor or therapist. However, as time went by, and no progress was made, I accepted who I am. After I graduated from the University of Alberta, I came out of the closet to a small group of people. Since then, I've gradually become more comfortable with myself, and eased my way further out of the closet.

I hadn't written to you after that e-mail in July because I thought you didn't want to hear from me. I want to stay your friend, because you are a beautiful, giving, trustworthy person. However, in order for this to work, we need to accept that each of us has changed. You'll need to realize that I'm now a not-terribly-religious gay man, and I'll need to respect your faith.

Whatever the case, DON'T let this affect your school or personal life! Please write me or call me! I'd like to talk about this, if you're willing to.

CCG:

Thank you for telling me this. I'm relieved that I can
finally have some closure. However, as you might have
guessed, I'm in total shock. I can't even express
right now what I'm feeling, yet I have so many
thoughts and questions. (It's a good thing you told me
this by email instead of on the phone or in person. It
wouldn't have been a pretty sight.) I am going to need
some time to process all of this, I just don't know
how much time I will need. I don't know what else to
say. You've hurt me though.

Me:

Let me know if you want to talk about this. Contact me when you're ready.

CCG:

I think I'm ready to discuss the issue now. I think it
would be best if we just communicate by email for
right now. I have had a lot of time to think about
everything. I still have so many questions too. I
don't understand why you never said anything before.
How could you keep it from me all this time? I feel
lied to and betrayed. We've gone through so much
together. I thought I could trust you. How can I even
trust you now? You know I'm strongly against such a
lifestyle, and I am not going to accept it.
Ideally, I would like to still be friends. I care
about you and think about you everyday. It will be
difficult, if not impossible for me to not think about
your lifestyle. I wish I could get past it but it's
just always going to be there. I find that I think
about you as someone I once knew or as someone that
you're not.
I don't like how our friendship has always been off
and on. In my mind, friends talk maybe once a
week-over the phone or by email. I guess our
friendship is far different though. Maybe we should
just let the friendship go and move on. It hurts me to
be going through this.

Me:

I'm not sure why we can't communicate over the phone, but ok.

CCG, I'm not really sure I've done anything wrong here. It seems to me you're upset because you've invested a lot of emotion and time thinking about the two of us together. Give me an honest answer: were you hoping I was going to be interested in you beyond friendship?

Lied to and betrayed!? You never asked me if I was interested in women, nor did you ask me a single question about my dating history or anything along those lines! How can you suggest I lied to you or betrayed you? You didn't once express your feelings to me! What did you expect?

Once a week? Goodness, there are friends of mine I talk to once or twice a year! Distance makes communication difficult, despite our age of cell-phones and e-mail. I admit I haven't been particularly good (actually, I've been terrible) at keeping in touch. However, your expectations regarding communication are unreasonable. Also, I don't understand how you expect I wouldn't change over 7 years. Come on!!!

As far as my lifestyle is concerned, this should have nothing to do with our friendship. Friends stay together no matter what. As far as I can see you have two options here: you can accept who I am, and continue to stay in touch. I prefer this option. The other choice is that you continue to live in your dream world, thinking of me how you like... however, I'm not interested in staying in touch if this is your choice. I hate to be blunt, but this is emotionally taxing on me as well, my friend. If you can't handle things, then tough.

I want to hear your response. However, I'm giving you a week to reply. I'm sick and tired of getting these sporadic whiny e-mails, trying to make me feel horrible for something I can't control. If I don't hear from you by June 5th, I never want to hear from you again.

Post # 20

Another milestone! I made it to #20! Viagra was still the most popular topic, although my recent article on a certain Catholic girl is a strong second.

I read this article on the Lacrosse and related fraternity parties at Duke University in the Rolling Stone magazine. It reminds me of the stories I heard about the basketball team at the University of Kansas or the hockey team at Dartmouth. Being a grad student (although admittedly a grad student that sometimes hangs out at an alternative undergrad house), I haven't seen these parties, nor am I interested in going to one (I have a feeling I'd have difficulty scoring a Dartmouth hockey player anyways... just a hunch). It also reminds me of some of the behaviour of some of our distant relatives: chimpanzees and gorillas. Both species exhibit "fraternal" behaviour, where the tough males are generally douche-bags, but get all the hot ape action anyways.

Finally, I got in touch with the Catholic girl (or rather she got in touch with me). She's gotten over things (rather quickly, I might add), and even apologized for not telling me about her feelings for me, and so on. All's quiet on the western front.

It was an honest mistake!

A man in Australia tried to dry his girlfriends baby in a clothes dryer. The baby survived and the dude got dumped. What do they expect? Make baby-sized openings in common appliances, and people are bound to be confused.

Crazy psycho Catholic girls!

On another note, I've recently been communicating with a uber-conservative Catholic girl I knew back in highschool. She and I were friends in my brief highschool stint in Kansas (coincidentally when I was an uber-conservative Lutheran). We mainly ate lunch together and would catch the occassional movie. Anyways, about a month ago she wrote me an out-of-the-blue e-mail. Apparently she's been in love with me ever since I left Kansas, and has been telling her friends and family about this wonderful guy she wants to spend her life with. Not only that, she's been holding out for me this entire time. This is over a 7 year span! She was upset that I don't keep in particularly good touch with her, and wants to know what the deal is. Anyways, I had to tell her the truth: sweetheart, I'm gay. This did not go over particularly well, and has started a somewhat humerous but sad e-mail exchange.

Some actual excerpts from her e-mails:

" I want to know why, after your last email in July, you didn't try to call or email me once. I didn't respond because I needed this year to learn about myself and to work some things out." (in other words, it's totally alright for her to flake out, but inexusable for me)

"I did have feelings for you but I'm not sure if I still do."
(then why didn't she say anything for 7 years???)

"It seems like we both have changed so much and we're further apart than ever."
(yes, people do change over time, especially 7 years... what does she expect???)

"I'm in total shock. I can't even express right now what I'm feeling, yet I have so many
thoughts and questions. (It's a good thing you told me this by email instead of on the phone or in person. It wouldn't have been a pretty sight.)"
(ok, so I'm REALLY glad I didn't tell her over the phone or by person)

"You've hurt me though."
(by being gay, or by not falling in love with her?)

Now comes the real gold:

"How could you keep it from me all this time? I feel lied to and betrayed."
(lied to and betrayed? this coming from the girl that didn't tell me her feelings this entire time)

"We've gone through so much together."
(what??? we were friends for one year of high school; the extent of our friendship was eating lunch together and going to a couple movies)

"I thought I could trust you. How can I even trust you now?"
(for fuck's sake, when was trust ever an issue here?)

"You know I'm strongly against such a lifestyle, and I am not going to accept it."
(ok, so she's a biggot)

"Ideally, I would like to still be friends. I care about you and think about you everyday."
(wow, she's totally obsessed with me!)

"It will be difficult, if not impossible for me to not think about your lifestyle. I wish I could get past it but it's just always going to be there."
(tough luck!)

"I don't like how our friendship has always been off and on. In my mind, friends talk maybe once a week-over the phone or by email."
(huh??? if I talked to all my friends that often, I'd never get anything else done!)

"Maybe we should just let the friendship go and move on. It hurts me to be going through this."
(then maybe she should stop being a crazy bitch, and pull her head out of her fucking ass!)

I had no idea I had this effect on anyone! Wow! It makes me sad because 7 years is a long time for someone to not get laid!

Yes! I'm saved!

Well ladies and gentlemen, it appears that smoking the reefer isn't as bad for us as we were made to believe! A NIH-funded study at the University of California Los Angeles demonstrated that there is no link between weed consumption and lung cancer. In fact, THC may be good for you, as it helps kill old cells that may become cancerous. This means that I no longer have to worry about dying from lung cancer, and can instead worry about more likely possibilities, such as what to do when my liver finally fails due to excessive alcohol consumption. Now, as a disclaimer, the NIH are a bunch of godless baby eaters, so we should probably ignore everything they say, and pray that their funding is cut even further. How did Satan infiltrate the NIH??? Probably the same way he got into my laptop! Out Satan! Out!

Of course, if my liver does fail, I can always grow a new one. Ah, the miracles of modern medicine :)